Forgive me if you have heard this one before:
A man walks into a cafe, takes a seat at a table and starts reading the menu. After a few minutes the waitress approaches: "What will you have?" she asks.
"I'll have a quickie," he replies confidently.
She scowls and stomps off. After a few minutes she returns and demands: "Are you ready to order now?"
"Yes - I'd like a quickie please," he replies.
She thumps the table and storms off angrily. Soon the manager sends her back. "Ok - are you ready to make a sensible order now?" she says angrily.
"May I please have a quickie?" he asks plaintively.
"Right, I'm calling the police!" she shouts.
At this point the man at the next table leans over helpfully and says: "I think you'll find that is pronounced "Quiche"!".