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Definition of an expert: An "ex" is a has-been and a "spurt" is a drip under pressure.

I still love that. It SO summed up how it actually was at the time. I worked in a high-end audio place in the early 90's, and we all would do those lines with customers who had a sense of humour!

Experts are those that help substantiate your opinions or claims.... Otherwise they don't know what they are talking about....

I think there's FUK U and WAN KING Chinese restaurants somewhere as well.

I've had ten days to mull it over, but now think that talking about Mike and Bernie Winters and saying "There's no business like Schnorbitzness" is an astonishingly wonderful contrived pun. Peckris should get an award....

Something from china that will make everyone laugh Esp marleybob in a workshop at the moment bending this and trying to make it look old. What a fu king rare coin

Remember the Not The Nine O'Clock News sketch where the two hifi shop assistants took the mick mercilessly out of a customer?

If you don't get this first time round, well neither did I. Bob and a few of his co-workers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday. Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?" Susan pipes up "It's Bob's birthday!" "Oh well happy birthday! Make sure you save room because you'll get a free dessert!" Tim and Susan smile and nod, but Bob looks a bit confused. He asks her to repeat herself. "Sure thing, happy birthday! Save room and you'll get a free dessert". There's a moment of silence before Bob says "Vroom, vroom!"

Probably some bloke down the pub he saw three of when blotto. Pubs are full of experts on all sorts of things I've noticed over the years - kind as well, all willing to give you their expert opinion free of charge.

A friend who knew the Hindi alphabet was in India and painstakingly spelled out a sign in a big railway station. "R" she began, "É", "L", "W", "É", "ST", "É", "SH", "N". Then blushed...

I do think of you and Mrs P a lot @Peter it affected us all on here! Hope you’re OK, buddy! I think this is a great idea for a thread, I know you’ve got a couple of hammereds kicking around!